jueves, 28 de febrero de 2008

voidless voids

you are like a thousand grains of quicksand
sinking into endless voids

Here's to you. Who always had a way to make me feel never good enough, who allowed me to slip through the cracks. You , who knew me from how i walked, the taps of my foot, the way i tilted my head. And used those very things to get to me......yet i still believed in you...and would believe in you still.
You , who always acted like you were doing me a favour by even speaking to me, who chose to ignore me or leave me waiting in the dark for hours because you couldn't be bothered. You, who spent the time running away instead of running forward.
And I, stood by because I loved you. I loved those few moments when you were who you used to be, that person who would walk miles for me , who saw me as beautiful even in the half light. Because sometimes , when you didnt fill yourself with other voices I could hear you.
But then you would disappear, and i would spend most of my time trying to find you again. And you would hate me for it. Hate me because i would not give up on you no matter how many times you pushed me away.
Because I believed that you were better than that. I guess we both didn;t accept each other. The truth is, i taught you to be like that. I taught you that I was never good enough. I kept doing things, things you ceased to appreciate or notice. It was second nature to take me for granted, or to blame me for everything that goes wrong. And so , you did.
I ceased to be me, i became a vessel for you to dump your shit . I became everything wrong in the world. And i became a measure how no to be... you ceased to understand me because it wasnt convenient for you.
For me, the sun rised and shone especially for you. I forgot to be me, trying to be you.

I know you still blame me. And when you left, when you were too much of a coward to face me, i finally found my voice. It is raspy, and covered with cobwebs but it exists.
And even though, i might forget these things
when i see your face, because Lord knows I do get lost by loving you.
I will always remember, that you did me a favour by leaving.
And even if , you and I never speak again. Remember, that i was not just an accumulation of things, but someone you were lucky to have in your life.

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